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I had some trouble falling asleep last night, so instead of rolling over and grabbing an essential oil to help me snooze, I decided to spend some time in prayer.
Praying is not my strong suit, and I have been making a conscious effort to try to spend more time in prayer, and less of “Dear God, PLEASE let the car start!”
I always pray for protection over us while we sleep, for my daughter, that kind of stuff. I prayed about my marriage … then all of the sudden thoughts of death came racing into my head.
What the heck??? I am having a nice canned prayer here. Lord, why are you talking to me about DEATH?
I have to say, I haven’t spent a lot of time thinking about death. In theory I am not afraid of it, because I know that I am a Christian. But in the real nuts and bolts sort of way, I have to say I am a little terrified of shutting my eyes and never opening them again. I know that Jesus is waiting on the other side, but never speaking to my husband and daughter again – I can’t imagine anything worse.
My conversation with God went something like this …
“Am I dying? Like not going to wake up in the morning??”
“You could be, anyone can go at any time.”
“HOLY CRAP GOD! But I’m not ready!
“Then maybe you should get ready. Not everyone gets a second chance.”
The more I thought about this, and the reality that NONE of us is guaranteed tomorrow, the more overwhelming the thought was. I prayed that God would take away the fear, and the anxiety about death. I prayed that He would help me to focus on eternity, rather than my temporal life here.
I was given the lyrics to this old hymn.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.
It gave me a lot of peace to meditate on those words, but I have to say, I was still a little hesitant to fall asleep!
Maybe my mortality is on my mind because I have a birthday coming up this week. I have never really stopped and thought about life and death in such an honest fashion. The Bible tells us to store up treasures in heaven, and not worry about accumulating wealth on earth. At this point I probably have a one room shack in the ghetto stored up.
If I died right now I would have a lot of regrets. Petty things that I have allowed to sour my marriage. I don’t feel that I have set my daughter on a good spiritual path. I certain haven’t been a Godly influence on many people in my life. I have been taking my time trying to figure out my path in life, and what makes me happy. I have completely lacked the urgency that I should be living with. Somewhere along the line I stopped making a life and settled for just making a living.
Jesus said that the end was near 2000 years ago. How much nearer is it now?
This whole post probably sounds a little bit morbid, but it was a much-needed reality check for me. I have been focusing on my happiness, the possessions I could accumulate, whether someone offended me or not. All those things are nothing. They are less than nothing. When you look at your life through the glass of eternity, the perspective is alarming.
I challenge you to take a look at your life through that glass of eternity. Start living as though you were dying – because we are!
2 Corinthians 4:17-18 – For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
This is day 13 in the series 31 Days Of Learning To Be Positive. Click here to check out the entire series.