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I had a really bad day the other day.
I don’t struggle with depression on a regular basis, but some days everything just adds up and feels like it is drowning me. I think almost everyone can relate to being overwhelmed once in a while, but never before have I really analyzed how I deal with that feeling of hopelessness.
I was going through my day in somewhat of a stupor. I really couldn’t bring myself to have much of a conversation with anyone, so I just withdrew into my head to hurt privately.
I happened across a post on Facebook talking about rewarding yourself with junky food, when in reality you are saying, ”You’re bad and you deserve bad food.”
That simple statement may have changed my life. When I am in that pit, I just can’t bring myself to function normally. I collapse in my bed, face unwashed, not because I am tired, but simply because I can’t keep putting one foot in front of the other any more.
I am a fairly confident person. Its not like I go around dragging my arms on the ground because I am so depressed or something. But the more I think about it, the more I am realizing that I have been my own worst enemy.
Since I have been working from home more I have let myself slip into a routine that is anything but uplifting. I roll out of bed, whenever my eyes open since I don’t have to keep a real schedule. Throw my hair in a messy ponytail, and schlep around the rest of the day in sweats. How much differently would I feel if I got up, showered, fixed my hair, and put on some makeup? Why don’t I do that?
Its time for me to tell that little voice in my head to shut up. I am worthy of eating healthy foods, and buying clothes I like, and even getting a pedicure once in a while. I am worth the effort of setting a schedule, and getting up, and making my bed, and making my home a pretty, clutter-free place I enjoy being. And a million other little things I have let slip while I was slowly telling myself I didn’t deserve them.
I don’t know that my life is going to change overnight, but when I am too overwhelmed to even take care of myself at a basic level, its time to make some changes. I’m going to make a functional schedule, take the time to get myself ready in the morning, stop letting paperwork I don’t want to deal with pile up on my desk, and I might even go get a pedicure. Now that I am aware of my inner-narrative, I can start changing the tone.