I hesitate to share too much of my personal life here because, well, it’s personal. But what is the point of having a blog if it doesn’t reflect where and who I am. I’m not going to divulge every gory detail, but I am going to talk a little bit about what is going on in my life right now.
My husband and I have separated, and it looks like we are heading towards ending the marriage permanently. We have been married a little over four years, and I have learned a lot about love, and addiction. I have had to learn what I am truly made of at my core. In the past month I have gone from being a full time mom and working a very part-time schedule outside the home, to being 100% responsible for all of the bills. Two things have remained constant – God’s provision, and my stress level. I’m hoping for healing and restoration, but I am realistic and planning for mine and my daughter’s futures.
6 years ago my mom was diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer. She had a very major surgery and it was successfully removed. She was told not to worry about it coming back. It did come back, and now we wait to hear what the next step is. Her story is not mine to tell, so that is all I will say about it, but please keep my mom in your prayers.
I’ve had some rough days. I know God has a plan, but in the midst of the hurt, it can be hard to see. I quit going to church several months ago for reasons that belong in another post. My husband still attends and has a very visible position within the church, and there has been no discipline or intervention of any sort. Sometimes I feel pretty alone.
A few days ago a really weird thing happened. A saw a flash of something running across my driveway. Was that … a pheasant?
A random pheasant wandered into our neighborhood and hasn’t left since. Now, pheasants aren’t completely uncommon in Iowa, although they have dramatically thinned out since I was a kid, so it’s pretty rare to see one any more. However, they are definitely not city-dwellers.
He spends his days wandering between our house and the neighbor’s across the street. He perches on my planter for a nap in the mornings, and then peeps in the neighbor’s from door for a majority of the afternoon. He steals corn out of our squirrel feeder and shoos the squirrels away.
Watching the pheasant has been a phenomenal distraction. We go from window to window watching him, and look forward to him showing back up every morning. Maybe God knew that we needed some levity.
A concept that has been brought in front of me over and over lately is speaking truth and positivity over the things in our lives. Choosing to feed the good things with our words, and not even acknowledging the negative. There are definitely some negative things happening in my life, but I am choosing to be faithful in what I can, and to pour my energy into the positive. Even if it is a silly pheasant peeping in my window.
“What you feed will flourish & what you neglect will die.” -Dani Johnson
If you are going through a rough spot, I hope that you can grab onto that concept. Proverbs 18:21 says that the tongue holds the power of life and death. So speak life! There are still very heavy moments than feel like they are suffocating me, but I keep putting one foot in front of the other and slowly those moments are becoming less and less. I would appreciate it if you keep me and my family in your prayers.